N'oublie Pas de Vivre

And just like that, February is upon us again. I can’t believe this month marks four years. It definitely doesn’t get any easier turning that page in the calendar. But, wanted to share a reminder to all, N’oublie pas de Vivre, don’t forget to live:
I am still not certain why the tears wouldn’t come. There I was, standing in the middle of the foyer of the church, watching as people piled in to celebrate the life of my precious little angel. As I stood, greeting hundreds of people with hugs and condolences, I could only find amazement in the fact that Addie had so many people who truly loved her, so many who she truly impacted. When you really stop to think about it, how many people can say that? At that point, as I do so often, I began to reflect on the meaning of her life.
As the days went on, I experienced every emotion which accompanied grief. Most days I experienced them all, multiple times. It wasn’t fair, it isn’t fair. She was so incredibly full of life. She had so many dreams and plans. The two of us would take a “best friends’ trip” to Paris when she was fifteen, get dolphin tattoos at eighteen and then she would eventually settle down and marry Kevin in a wedding complete with pink cupcakes. She was a dreamer and a fighter and had an incredible zest for life.
Addie had the biggest heart of anyone you’d ever meet, especially considering she was only born with half of one. She could melt into your arms and cuddle for hours and make you feel as though you were the most important person in the entire world, and to her, you most definitely were. I always admired how, after experiencing so much, she was always so ready to be loved on and tickled. To her, every day was a blank canvas, a fresh start, a new chance to love even more than the day before. Life was definitely a journey and her journey was everything.
During her nearly twelve years of life, she experienced more than some people do in a lifetime. She traveled to many destinations and her life was a true adventure. “No” was never a word Addie would accept, from others or for herself. She had the world, especially the men of this world, wrapped so tightly around her finger.
To us, as outsiders, her death was beyond tragic. I think I always knew her time on this earth was limited, but I never quite expected it to happen. I wasn’t ready. Those who loved her weren’t ready. However, considering the bang she made entering this world, her death was simple, painless and fast. I was always prepared for the worst, during every hospital visit, procedure and surgery, but the worst didn’t come then. It came in the car in the middle of the freeway. I can still feel her hand wrapped tightly around my finger as she gave one final squeeze and went peacefully. I am not sure I will ever be able to describe that feeling, it was devastating, yet in the midst of all the hysteria and panic, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
Addie’s life was far too short and she still had so much she wanted to accomplish, but in reality, she was a blazing success. She made the world a better place. She made people smile more, love more and appreciate more. So, as I stood and watched over 600 people walk through the pouring rain and pile into the church, it became abundantly clear that I was indeed the mother of a true hero. Addie’s story is not one of the perfect life, but it is a life that she made perfect, not only for her, but for hundreds of people. Her life ended far too soon, but her story and impact on this world will remain for years to come.

10 Realizations

During the past year, I have learned so much about life, myself and the things that really matter. I have been surrounded by the best support system a person could ask for. My blessings of friends, family and simply being Addie’s mom have given me these realizations along with millions of others. She definitely came to me for a reason, and made me a much more patient, loving, caring and strong person. If I make a portion of the impact Addie did in this world, I will consider it a success.

Here are the top 10 realizations I have had during the past year from both Addie’s strength and my amazing tribe :

1. Surround yourself with people who will be proud of you for simply putting on a new pair of PJs when they come by.

2. Somedays just getting out of bed is an accomplishment.... even if it’s just to move to a chair.

3. There are no right words to say .... ever. Don’t pretend or try, just be present.

4. “What do you need?” is not a question that’s easy to answer. Make the decision for them and just make it known there are no expectations. Even if the timing is bad, leave the donuts on the doorstep!

5. Being strong doesn’t mean not crying and taking the world on by yourself. The strongest of people cry, lean on people and know they can’t do it alone.

6. The top item people bring after someone passes is toilet paper....(in fact I think that Addie’s passing contributed to the first 2020 TP shortage in Yuma )

7. Be the friend someone feels comfortable letting you visit when their makeup isn’t on and their floors aren’t clean.

8. Always love fully.

9. Appreciate every breath you’re fortunate to take.

10. Learn to find peace in the simple things in life... like heart clouds, rainbows and random purple flowers.